In IFS it is believed that we are all born with a core Self. This Self has 8 core qualities of compassion, clarity, confidence, curiosity, creativity, connectedness (with others and self), confidence and courage. As we grow up, we must adapt and adjust to the environment around us, including influences from our parents, family, society and culture. We must develop parts of us who manage all these influences and these parts are different from Self. All of us have parts and this is a good thing because they help us manage day to day life. However, depending on how challenging our upbringing has been will affect how strong, divergent and opinionated these parts need to be. They can become so dominant that the Self may be hidden away. 

An example of this is someone who grew up with distant parents who punished any signs of emotion. The child quickly learns it’s better not to cry and develops internal parts whose job it is to: 

• Keep quiet and not cry out for attention

• Shame the child if they feel anything because this is considered “bad” in this family 

• Try to be perfect so they are accepted in the family

• Eat lots of sweets for comfort

As this child grows up these ways of thinking and behaving become entrenched. More influences from family, friends, society and culture affect the developing child, more parts are added, and old parts are strengthened. 

One of the core principles of IFS is that there are no bad parts. All parts develop to keep the child safe and connected to their caretakers and society. In IFS therapy we try to get to know the parts and what their roles are. Over time we help the parts understand that they may be stuck in the past, doing what was essential back then. We do not want to get rid of any parts because they are all important, but we can help them change so they can live in harmony with the Self, be their best selves, and allow the Self to lead. 

IFS was founded by Richard Schwartz who is a family therapist and educator. He found that his clients’ internal parts behaved a lot like the family members he saw in therapy. They would often have entrenched roles (e.g. the black sheep, the carer, the enforcer etc) that responded better to compassion and understanding of their roles than trying to forcibly change or get rid of them. In the end all the parts and family member were doing what they thought was best. 

More information on IFS can be found on the IFS Institute website   https://ifs-institute.com/

Richard Schwartz’ book: “No Bad Parts” is great at explaining all this at greater length.